I am currently on holiday. So far it has been a mix of the exciting, challenging, self-realisation, boredom, and struggle. The last two are no one's fault but my own and are both a consequence of figuring out somethings about myself. Things I don't necessarily like and I am struggling with tackling them.
Before, I get into the rather heavy topic referenced above, what were the exciting challenges I set myself:
Two days before my holiday started I set myself the task of coming up with two dates. The first one was - start my date at 5pm by going to Sejong Lake Park at night, take a walk and watch the stars. I would follow that up with a creative night - art and cooking. My second date was to be a two night stay in the Ramada Hotel in Gangnam (you know, the area in Seoul referenced by PSY in his hit song back in 2012, Gangnam Style), art museums and lots of good food. However, I also wanted to do something that would set the tone of my holiday.
Most of my Jochiwon friends had been on a day trip to Hwacheon for the Ice-Fishing Festival the weekend before but due to the fact I was in the middle of camp I was unable to join them. However, their positive reviews and thorough enjoyment of this festival led me to booking myself on one of Wink's tours there (Wink is a travel,tourism and adventure group here in Korea.). It was a fabulous day despite the exhaustion of getting up at 5am to get a KTX up to Seoul and not returning home until 12.30. I was with two busloads of people and everyone I met was extremely kind. However, as I discovered, trips like this are best experienced with friends. I think the camaraderie you already have with your friends changes your experience of a festival like this and makes it even better. Don't get me wrong - I have no complaints and I thoroughly enjoyed my day. I just think it would have been nicer had I some long time friends to share it with. This festival along with Andong Mask Festival are up there as my favourite things that I have done here in Korea.
As to the ice-fishing itself - I caught a fish! It was so exciting. I've only ever gone fishing with nets before for minnows - in the Canal, and we always put them back. It took a long time - probably 45 minutes for me to catch one but boy was it worth it. The fish was a trout and it was delicious to eat. I spent the rest of the day wandering around, tubing, sledding, visiting an ice sculpture exhibition and learning to how to play curling. That last was so difficult - I have not upper body strength as I am pretty sure each stone only travelled just a couple of feet each time. And that was if I was lucky! Sometimes it was just a few inches! The day ended with dakgalbi and a walk underneath a lantern canopy.
While I have accomplished my goal of my dates (see upcoming posts) and I did a lot of the things I set out to do, I also discovered a part of myself I don't like: I am lazy and I lack motivation to do things, even things I like such as walking, cooking, reading. I don't know yet how to fight the laziness and it's not as easy as saying "just do it". I struggle constantly to fight the laziness and this holiday made me realise how many bad habits I have formed and just how unmotivated I can be. I WANT to do the Camino this autumn but how can I do it when I barely have the energy to get up early or go for a 15 minute walk? I will walk when I have a friend to go with but by myself I lack the will power to go outside. Do you know what time it was before I left the house today to go write this post? 2.45 and that was only because I knew that if I didn't leave then I never would. Yes, I realise that acknowledging this is a good step but the thing is I am not unaware of my faults. I have known about them for a really long time. What I struggle with is figuring out a way to work on them? That I am afraid I am not so good at. I need to figure out what will motivate me to change but I still don't know what it is. Even after years of trying different things. The other side of this lack of motivation is that I get bored and when I am bored I get stuck in a rut of laying on my bed, taking naps and watching TV. And doing that leads to a greater lack of motivation because it's easier to watch TV than to change myself. So here's hoping that this is the last wake up call that I will ever need. I doubt it but fingers crossed for a new year and a new me.
PS - The title of this post is taken from Randy Newman's "I'm Dead". Randy Newman wrote "It's a jungle out there" which is the theme song of one of my favourite TV show's - Monk.